Author(s): Boris Starling

Humour

The Haynes Manual is one of publishing's most famous and enduring icons. More than 200 million copies have been sold, covering everything from Austin Allegros to Zombie Survival.Now Haynes is sending itself up in a fabulously amusing and brilliantly-observed new format. Haynes Explains are compact guides to four major stages of life: babies, teenagers, marriage and pensioners. Based on the classic 'stripdown and rebuild' outline, and using original Haynes lines drawings, these books are perfect gifts or stocking fillers. 'Old age is when you realise that you will never be old enough to know better.'The aim of Haynes Explains Pensioners is to help you get the best value from your retirement. It can help you (a) decide what work must be done (b) tackle this work yourself, though you may choose to have much of it performed by external contractors such as That Nice Young Man From The Village, The Carer Who Talks Too Much or The Curtain Twitcher Across The Road.Sections include:* Shock Absorbers (adjusting to the sudden change). 'Every evening she looks pleased when you say 'Honey, I'm home!' Until the evening you add 'forever."* Maintaining Residual Values (financial planning).* Rolling Resistance (lawn bowls and golf). 'Bowling is the ideal sport - a minute of exercise for every 59 minutes of drinking and talking.'* Unlimited Mileage Warranty (an RV and an open road).* Wear And Tear (the ageing process). 'Your body will inevitably sag in old age. Though on the plus side, you can have fun guessing what the tattoo used to be.'* Computer Malfunction (memory problems).